Helping Children Cope with Grief/Loss

Grief is a normal human reaction to loss and is an emotion everyone experiences, even for young children. In the past, it was thought that the best way to help children cope with loss was to essentially pretend nothing happened. Today, however, most experts agree that children and adults heal best if they are allowed to grieve, and then given support and comfort to overcome the loss.

Here are some ways you can help your children cope with grief:

Involve the school
Tell your child’s teacher, principal, counselor, or social worker that grief has touched your child’s life. These people are skilled at helping children heal, making sure the child has time alone if necessary, and ensuring that homework help is available or modified for a period of time, and helping classmates provide the right kind of support.

Watch behavior
Children may or may not display different behaviors in response to a death or other life-changing situation. Signs to look for include detachment, hyperactivity, anger, and lack of emotion. Some children may regress and want to be rocked or to sleep in their parent’s bed.

Give them a journal
Encourage children to write down their feelings-both good and bad. Reassure them that it’s fine to express anger or sadness, and it’s equally all right to write down funny memories or anything else that may be on their minds.

Art therapy
Provide art materials such as paints, clay, paper, and crayons. Talking about your child's art creations can be an excellent way to keep communication open during tough times.

Be honest
Answer children’s questions with age-appropriate information. In the case of death, make sure your children know it is acceptable to talk about the person over whom they’re grieving. Regardless of the type of loss, it is important that your children are able to keep their feelings and memories alive.

Talk about it
While it’s very important to allow your children to talk about their feelings, don’t pressure them into discussing things before they’re ready.

Stick to a routine
Try to get back to your regular schedule as soon as possible. During the grieving process see to it your children get exercise and enough sleep.

Give them time
Grief is incredibly difficult for everyone. Children need long-lasting support as it may take a long time for them to understand their feelings. School counselors and social workers can be a great first step for parents looking to help their children cope with grief.

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Notice: EAPS counselors and social workers can provide assistance but should not take the place of services provided by your family physician or mental health facility.